As I was going through some boxes, I came across the journal I started at the end of 2016. Well, I was supposed to start it then...that's when God told me too. I was so afraid to communicate out loud that my heart still desired to be married. I didn't want to be "that" girl at church who continually was waiting for her husband. Instead, I purchased a few really cute journals with the title, "Letters to My Future Husband" for some of my other single friends. Within 2 months, one of those friends was engaged to be married. I'm not sure why I didn't purchase one for me at that point and start writing immediately!
Instead, I took out one of my plain journals and started writing. I was so uncomfortable, but so full of faith at the same time. So far there are three entries. The first two entries were in early 2017. The third entry was May of this year, a day after my Dad's birthday. I had forgotten I wrote it, but remembered what a powerful week that was for me. In the midst of missing my Dad, I believe God gave me a gift of breathing life into some dry bones. Since this last week seems to have had a theme of vulnerability for so many in my life, I'm sharing one of the letter's here.
Dear Future Husband,
Two years have passed since I started writing to you…well, one year and 5 months to be exact! But who’s counting? #Me
A lot has happened this past year and it’s not a surprise to me that writing to you was not at the top of the list. You have definitely been on my mind, no doubt! I have wondered where you are and when you’re going to get here, but have been learning new levels of trusting God’s timing. You will be right on time and I believe you are closer than I know.
This week, I had a moment that seemed to ignite something in me that made me think of you and reminded me of my letters to you. I believe I am in preparation for you, and as that time nears, I am realizing more and more the sting of you not meeting my Dad. Perhaps it’s strong today because his birthday was yesterday. Perhaps it’s the realization that I will walk down the aisle of my friend’s wedding in a few weeks…a trip down the aisle that I imagined would be with my Dad the next time I took it. I had to take a minute to grieve that moment.
I am certain you would have loved him. And I am equally sure that he would have loved you. He only ever really wanted a man who would cherish me. Not just take care of me, but love me for who I am. I believe you will have some of the characteristics of my Dad. You will be smart. You will be wise. You will probably have the gift of negotiation, but not in that bully/intimidating way. You will be able to take control of a room or situation without anyone feeling attacked or discouraged. You will be an encourager. You will recognize the underdog and the forgotten and make sure they feel uplifted and seen. You will be generous with your time and resources. You will love family, even if you didn’t come from the best one. You will be filled with dreams and passionate about life. You will know how to close a deal for the benefit of all involved. I won’t have to chase you because you know a good thing when you see it, and you will let me know how you feel about me. Your words will have a weight to them unlike I've ever experienced in my life. I'll trust that you want the best for me, and that you see the best in me when I can't.
You would have loved him!
You might not get to meet him in this world, but you will get to know him by knowing me…and isn’t that every good Father’s desire?
Thank you for understanding that I may have moments of still dealing with this loss. He left a void in my life and the life of my family for sure, but I don’t expect you to fill that void.
I just look forward to introducing you to the other man who changed my life.